There’s this guy in my neighborhood. He’s in his 60s, 70s, maybe? Retired. Obviously bored. He spends the first several hours of his day walking his tribe of little sausage dogs, one by one.
Every day when I walk my own dogs, without fail we run into each other. And every day, pretty much without fail, he comments on my appearance: “Your hair’s getting long.” “Where’s your shorts?” “Here comes the prettiest girl in the neighborhood.” etc.
I can tell he thinks he’s being friendly and charming. But it’s always grated on my nerves, and after months and months of this, I’d really like to put a stop to it. Because seriously buddy, I don’t really care what you think about my appearance. If I did, I would’ve asked.
However, I don’t want to be rude about it, because a) I can tell his intent is to be friendly, and I don’t want to meet friendly intent with aggression; and b) I have to live near this guy and see him every day, you know? Best not to piss off the neighbors if you can’t help it.
Still, it’s getting to the point where I dread the latter part of our morning walk, because I know I’ll run into him. And I can’t just change the time I take the dogs out, because I mean it, he’s out there from 7 AM to 11 AM every morning; and nor can I change our route because there’s only one way into my cul-de-sac, and he’s usually on it.
I’ve tried telling him that I can’t come over because our rescue dog doesn’t like little dogs. (He could give a shit.) I’ve tried changing the time I take my dogs out. (But like I said, he’s always there.) I’ve tried ignoring the comment, or responding in monosyllables, or making annoyed faces in response. (But he ignores subtle body language cues.) I’ve even tried saying, “Don’t let my husband hear you say that.” (And I sort of hated myself for doing it, because I can fight my own battles, dammit.)
At this point, I need to do something more; but I’m not entirely sure what. Any ideas, chumblrs?
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startledgazette said:
I’ve never known how to deal with this kind of thing either, except directly - “Look, I know you’re trying to be friendly, but constant commentary about my appearance is really offputting. It’s ok to just say hi or ask how I’m going.” - might work?
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previouslydenimwrappednightmares reblogged this from flutiebear and added:
Oh man, this is my jam. If you’d like to avoid him altogether, one option is taking your walks with big, chunky...
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duncesanddramas said:
I’d say just be straight up with him about it? Just say that you appreciate the sentiment, but it makes you uncomfortable, and ask him politely to stop.
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juliefarkas likes this
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flutiebear reblogged this from juliefarkas and added:
No, your advice is absolutely valid, and many of you jumped into offer me similar advice. The problem is, I’m not sure...
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caswouldratherbehere said:
Can you cut him off and initiate the conversation and not give him a chance to comment on your appearance? Hey, the weather is great today don’t you think? Yep, have to go, bye!
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gunthera1 said:
I’d recommend saying something like, “I know you are just trying to be friendly, but I’d rather not have my appearance commented on every day. Can we just talk about our dogs please?” Good luck with whatever you do.
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juliefarkas reblogged this from flutiebear and added:
I understand not wanting to piss off the people you have to live by (as someone who never intended to and yet already...
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missl0nelyhearts said:
if he hasn’t picked up on the cues you’re throwing out he likely never will. and i suspect that’s a hard generational line to cross. it’s possible to be explicit, honest, with your feeling AND still be kind.
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missl0nelyhearts likes this
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rhiannon42 said:
Maybe the direct approach? “Listen, I know you’re trying to be friendly, but your comments about my appearance are making me uncomfortable. Could we talk about something else?” IDK. I am also pretty bad at this sort of thing. :(
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flutiebear posted this
